Write Alphabetical Advice

Ask "How's it going?" instead of saying "You look terrible."
Best friends are just family that you get to choose. Don't choose lightly.
Courage and honesty are different things. But oftentimes the most important truths require courage to tell.
Don't talk to people while they poop. It's weird.
Eat at places that you can't eat at home when you travel.
Free food always beats no food.
Give better than you get 
Having money doesn't mean you need to spend it.
If someone holds a door open for you, say thank you. Even if it's their job to do it.
Jokes aren't funny if you have to explain them.
Knowing when to keep your mouth shut is just as important as knowing when to speak up.
Listen to edutainment podcasts. Learn something while you laugh.
Movie conversation: only acceptable if both parties have seen the movie. And even then, you both have to be okay with it.
Never use absolutes
Offer help when it's needed. Don't be too proud to accept it when you need it.
Please and thank you every time will get you things you don't deserve from people when you really need them
Quit holding on to grudges. Likelihood is the other person cares significantly less than you do.
Relish opportunities to dress up. You'll feel different in a well-tailored suit.
Swimming. Riding a bicycle. Changing your own oil. Cooking more than just pasta. Playing a musical instrument. All skills you don't NEED to but should learn
Talk about things other than work.
Understanding and comprehension are more impressive than speed. No one cares that you finished your book in a day if you can't intelligently discuss what you read.
Very often, she'll be the one who's right.
Wallowing needs to happen sometimes. It's got a 48 hour expiration date.
X rated content is plentiful on the Internet. Don't ever pay for it.
Your word is your bond.
Zebras are genetically more related to giraffes than horses. (See what I said about learning while you enjoy yourself?)

Musings on a Late-Night Publix Run

These are my thoughts on my trip to Publix that I just got back from.


-It's an interesting group of people that are shopping in the final hour of a supermarket being open. I'm not one to judge, particularly as I don't have kids of my own, but I can't imagine when you've got a young toddler that a post-9pm Publix trip should be a "grab everything you need" trip. A full cart and a melting down child don't seem like the best combination.

-I've reached a strange point in my life when I go to Publix so late because I haven't had enough vegetables. The purpose of the trip was to grab tomatoes and cucumbers so I could have my salad. Never thought I'd see the day.

-Breyer's Company: Putting Oreo cookies in chocolate ice cream instead of vanilla? Feel free to throw your hat in the ring to run this country. You've got my vote in November if you do.

-I have zero idea how a Subway survives right next door to a Publix. Unless you're getting a promotional sub of a certain size that only costs a single bill with President Lincoln on it, they're the same price. Why someone would take Subway meat over a real deli less than 100 feet away is something I will never understand.

-The deli staff at the Publix on the corner of 535 ad 192... What a collection of weirdies. But still, consistently friendly and good at what they do. Kudos.

-Dude in the Produce Department: There's a good chance that I have my earphones in because I'm not looking for much interaction. But you know what really fries my rice? When you get my attention, get me to take out my earphones so you can talk to me, and use that opportunity to rip on my baseball team because I'm wearing a Marlins shirt. You, sir, are an ass (and my baseball team has won twice as many championships as yours has in the time we've existed. So suck it).

-Lady Bagging My Groceries: First and foremost, I highly doubt that your name is "Phfazzy." That notwithstanding, my encounter with your produce comrade almost made me keep my earphones in at the checkout. It's just courtesy. But holy goodness. For you not to acknowledge me or the two other people before me? Really? Because you're busy reading the Publix weekly ad? Holy crap.

That is all. I miss blogging.

This Is How Exciting My Days Off Are...

First, let me tell you how on top of trends I am in that I began the first season of LOST today. It's apparently going to piss me off, so I might as well get used to it.

But to the reason for today's post (and hopefully a return to more regular posting):


I decided it would be a good idea to try to get at least somewhat healthier. Today I went to Publix to pick up some things to make lunch with and decided to make my meat sauce with ground turkey instead of ground beef. Not my favorite decision of all time, but I can work with it. It's slathered in tomatoes and garlic and spices, so I figure there's a way I can gussy it up just right and it'll be fine.

But I can't just do things for the sake of doing it. I need "credit." So I call Ashie to tell her the good news. She responds with her trademark enthusiasm. I start explaining how I'm not trying to revolutionize my diet. I figure if I cut out red meat in my spaghetti sauce, I can feel less guilty when I indulge in a steak some other time. She said she agrees. She doesn't eat cookies (or was it ice cream) so she can have wine. Astutely pointed out that neither of us is really a revolutionary.

Which got me thinking. We're not Paul Revere. We're those people that kind of lean back in their chairs at dinner and say, "Have you guys heard about the Red Coats? Apparently, they're on their way." And then return to our Shepherd's Pie (made with ground turkey, of course.)

C'mon, Guys!

Dear Producers of Friday Night Lights,

I've done nothing but sing your praises for the past 5 years (With the exception of the Tyra/Landry/murder storyline. But we're pretending that never happened). I own each season of your show on DVD. You have crafted one of the most realistic-feeling shows I've ever watched. You have an uncanny ability to get me to care for these characters as if they were real people. I'm exceptionally saddened that there are only 5 episodes left of your show.

That being said, if you plan on bringing back a beloved character for the surprise emotional climax of one of your last episodes, DON'T LIST THE ACTOR'S NAME IN THE GUEST STARS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE EPISODE.

Sincerely,

TBone

I Love Living in Florida

I have an inability to get to sleep sometimes. Well, kind of a lot. I wouldn't call myself an insomniac, because I usually sleep every night, but it's usually no more than 4-6 hours. This is why I'm cranky when I wake up. Almost always. Just plain cranky. Don't speak to me within the first 20 minutes of being woken up unexpectedly.

Since sleep is precious, you see, I become rather consternated (spell-check says that's not a word. I beg to differ. I just used it as one. take your red squiggly* line elsewhere). So, last night, at 2:35 in the morning, it sounded like my upstairs neighbors dropped an anvil on the floor, jarring me from my about-to-be-asleep state. I've had issues with them before, so I was not pleased at all that this was happening again. I considered pulling a Mr. Heckles, and banging the end of my broom on the ceiling obnoxiously. I considered another nasty-gram expressing my displeasure at the recurrence of the noise problems. But I knew if I got too riled up, I wouldn't get to sleep at all, so I let it go, and went to sleep.

A friend of mine was chatting with me today about how she'd been up late playing with her dog and a similar loud noise terrified the pup. I mentioned how weird it was that we both heard my anvil-dropping neighbors, considering she lives 20 minutes away from me in a house that has no upstairs at all. I learned that the noise wasn't in fact my neighbors, but the sonic boom of the space shuttle Endeavour returning to our atmosphere.

You got lucky, upstairs neighbors. This time.





*"Squiggly", incidentally, is a real word and doesn't get a red squiggly line beneath it.

Let's try this again, shall we?

A renewed attempt at keeping this blog updated. Really. If you still check back periodically to see if I've updated, I appreciate it. Hope it's been worth the wait.

Overheard tonight at the Tavern:

Guy in the Booth Attached To Ours(to his friends): How long should someone shake hands with someone else before it gets awkward?

Me (to my friends): He just answered his own question! Before it gets awkward. You need to let go of the other dude's hand before it gets awkward.


Sheesh. And this is coming from a table of mid-20s dudes who have come to a TAVERN to order beers and hot fudge sundaes and Boston Cream pies.

More observations and musings coming soon. Keep reading.

Why I'm Going To Die Alone (Part 1 of Many)

Let me start by saying I'm not necessarily proud of this post, but it just made me nerd-giddy, so I had to post it.

So, two Starfleet officers are on shore leave on a resort-like planet. They're at a bar, scoping out exotic women. One spots a pair that he deems attractive behind the other one. How does he let him know?

"Hey, Malcolm. Bearing 1-8-0."

Teehee. I'm a nerd. Deal with it.